Over dinner some time ago, Beth and I got to discussing how one of the most interesting things about living in a foreign city is the spectrum of people you come into contact with. Subsequently, you wind up developing friendships with people who you probably wouldn't have connected with otherwise...people of all ethnic backgrounds, ages, preferences...people with different interests, personal tastes, political views and so on. Being able to speak English well becomes more than just a method of communication; suddenly it's an act of solidarity. Maybe you don't agree on whether or not the romantic comedy is truly "noble" cinema, but that doesn't mean you can't be good travel or hiking buddies or something.
Don't get me wrong, I realize that this is Europe, and not North Korea; you aren't going to run out and chat up every English speaker just because they're an English speaker, too. Of course there are plenty of people who are just as self-involved, judgmental and superficial here as they are elsewhere. Regardless, I consider the people I've met and befriended since I've been here, and I can't help but think that we probably wouldn't have been friends otherwise.
I also recalled a situation that occured quite some time ago regarding another friend of mine. His somewhat questionable sexual preference had been the subject of some gossip between friends. Sadly, I can't say that I was totally innocent in the matter...in fact, I was anything but. After an evening out with friends, during which the subject of said friend's sexuality interjected our conversation intermittedly, I returned home and felt like utter crap. Here was a good friend, who'd been nothing but kind towards me since the day we'd met (at least to my face, ha ha), and all I could do was bash him behind his back at his reluctance in choosing an acceptable 'label.' My natural instinct was to cry 'foul.'
It occurred to me that if I found out a group of my so-called "friends" were saying similar things behind my back, I'd probably be on the verge of suicide. Here I was, expecting people to be open-minded about my interests, lifestyle and so on...and yet, I was being anything BUT open-minded.
Though I'm hardly political, it also occured to me that this touches on one of the biggest -- and strongest -- arguments for civil unions and gay marriage, in my opinion: unless we're sleeping with the individual, why should we honestly care or take any vested interest in what goes on behind closed doors?
As some of you already know, I had a recent experience in which I was worried that a difference in labels would create friction and perhaps an overall bad situation. Thus far, it doesn't seem to be the case. OK, I've had some bad experiences in the past, but there's no reason why I need to project the memories of that history onto this new situation. Maybe the one who REALLY has the most to learn about dropping personal labels, stereotypes and boundaries here isn't everyone else, it's actually Curtis. Labels are labels...a human-manufactured element designed to categorize and divide people for no apparent reason. It's important to lose 'em -- or at least become less relying on them -- if we can!
Given these observations, yesterday I made a sort of internal pact with myself that if I am to expect people to be accepting, non-judgemental and friendly, I'm going to have to make a personal effort to be the same way...a sort of New Year's resolution, perhaps. And the concentration on gossip has to go, too.
